To Whom it May Concern

I write this blog for my own self-satisfaction. I enjoy documenting my life and sharing it with others. It gives me insight into my past and my present. I do not write this blog in the hopes that someone will give me advice to fix my poor pathetic life. I have no interest in advice from someone who doesn't know me in real life. My blog is just minor details of what I allow "you" to see. Read and enjoy it but keep your judgement and your advice to yourself please. It takes away all my pleasure of writing it.

Riding the Racehorse

There must be more money.
There must be more money.
There must be more money.
It hums in my head.
It whispers in every store, every mile my car travels.
Money for gas, for oil changes, for credit card bills, for groceries, for outings, for storage fee, for medication, for cell phone bills, the list never ends. For school books, for lab fees.....
The list doesn't end, it quietly whispers behind every word I say...
There must be more money.
There must be more money.
I want a new camera, a super complicated expensive model, it'll take me forever and a day to save for it. I remember last summer when I was making at least $1500 a month and blowing it on a refrigerator full of grocery that would half go bad because we couldn't eat through them. I cooked every week, blew money on Texas holdem in casinos and at friends' houses. I bought Leila toys to her heart's content. I saved at least $1600 in a few months. I hated my job but money flowed easy. Now I like my job, my life in general but money is tight and budgeting hard for this quick-to-self-fulfill person. I have a substantial amt of credit card debt and although I am more disciplined with it than most ppl I've known the amt I owe never seems to change, never seems to decrease. I've flown to North Carolina, New York, Chicago on my credit card. I've spent $300 on a pair of glasses and at least a couple hundred on contacts. I've paid at least $500 on car repairs in the last couple of months. Oh yeah I've also spent a significant amt of time in the last year being unemployed and supplementing my income with the credit card debt. Real responsible I know.
I have a friend in Mississippi who moved away last October and I haven't seen since bc I haven't had the time or money yet to visit. It sucks, don't know when I'll be able to.

There must be more money.
There must be more money.
There must be more money.
There must be more money.
It screeches in every corner of my head.
Soon I'll start riding my rocking horse race winner in the attic.