What I have

I pulled my hair up and thought about the things I had. My mind was completely as ease. I had just awoken from dozing in my lover's bed while reading "Rose Madder" for like the 50th time. "Rose Madder" always made me feel extra grateful about my life and every moment passing.

In the place where I live it's magical. People do what they say they will. No one has an alternate agenda. You'll rarely see a person choose an addiction over someone they care about. And people do. Care that is. Genuine interest goes into their every question, soft words of advice, congratulations, or sorrow. There is little blindness at things that are hard to look at. Someone is always opening the door for you. Little old ladies stop any random stranger to ask for directions. When someone decides to build their home by hand someone else is there to help it along.

So where was I going. Oh yes, gratefulness. I don't have everything I want but I have everything I need, for now. My hair is pulled back tall and only a minimum of the many layers is able to wrench itself free from the band's grasp. I have my lover who makes me feel like a magnificent being every day. I have my job where my boss often gives me words of thankfulness for my presence. I have the many organizations I participate in, help run even. I have my family. They bring me coffee in the morning and voice their love, concern, and pride in me so often I'll never forget it. I have a beautiful little struggling elephant eared plant that I worry over daily in hopes that it will increase likelihood of it surving my black thumb. I have a path to a future that will bring me the freedom I need to survive, to exist, to have all the small stupid things that make me eager to start the day so I can find them. Soon I'll have a new name and a home to call my own.

In reality these things are not many when compared to my long years of work, struggle, torture, loyalty and dedication. But right now there is not a single other thing that I ache for. My life is full.