work day

Ever notice how it seems like the work day is progressively getting longer over the years? I remember watching 9 to 5 with Dolly Parton and thinking how long 9 to 5 is. Well I know a lot of people who work 8 to 5, 7:30-6, 7 am to 7 pm. What happened to the work day, the rules? God, I'd give anything to work 9-2 and still survive okay. I want to be able to get to the bank before it closes, the library, not rush through lunch, watch Dawson's Creek in the morning. Yes, I want to be spoiled and selfish.

"This purchased rebellion has been outdated,
denounced and rescinded
and left to die championless.

Hope has sprung a perfect dive
a perfect day, a perfect lie.
A slowly crafted monologue
conceding your defeat. "
---Dashboard Confessional

This is just to say that I did the best I could. I listened, I laughed, I learned, I bonded. I always tried to be as open and honest as I could with my friends without hurting their feelings. Over the years I know I've become a better friend and a better person. I never got angry for no reason, if anything I didn't get angry when I had a reason. Yes, sometimes I wasn't around enough. But it was more than just a problem dividing my time, although that was a part of it. My biggest problem was my belief was failing. I wanted to want a better future, I wanted to believe I could be happy and reach my dreams, etc. That wasn't always easy with some of my friends. I was reaching for a dream, sometimes someone else was pulling me down away from it. I just couldn't support the impending doom complex.

Upside Down Cake

The world has turned upside down on me again.

1) My former lover of choice has come back with many of the answers I was looking for. I'm intrigued and kind of scared. He most definately was one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I'm afraid that if I get in too deep I'll never be able to let go of him again.


Besides that I have a job interview today and a promise of help and concerns from my closest friends. There are worse things that could happen in my life and I have alot of hope for my future.

Second Thoughts in Columbus, Ohio

I find it strange that we search
our whole lives for love
as though it were the final treasure
the solemn purpose of people
in movies and magazines.
Yet when it comes to your door
one morning with calm eyes to deliver itself
you realize it alone is not enough.

You are before me, sweet man,
and I am thinking
Aren't I supposed to give upeverything?
Aren't I supposed to be brave
and abandon
each dream and aspiration
and yield utterly to this
elusive beast love,
to your soft belly and companionship?
Aren't we supposed to have a piece of land-
and children!
-that look like you, and cook
soup and bread and sing
each other songs before sleep
and absentmindedly count the stars
from our front porch as we pray
for each other's keep
and pretend
forever is a word known
not only by the heart?

---Jewel


Okay, it seems too easy, like all the last month didn't happen. I can't help remembering that it did. That I was in the process of disconnetion.

"You strung me along
Like a tease on prom night
Getting me loose but
Leaving me uptight
Please tell me that
Some of that love was true. "
---Chris Carraba

DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMN IT!

So the most exciting thing about my current job, the thing I've been most excited about since I started working here is this ad I designed for an event for one of the local papers. Well, my boss had said I would design it, then seemed to think it not so important last week. I still designed the ad, he said it looked good and that he would call the paper about it. Today, I asked him if he called and he said NO and that it's too late and at least we had one ad in a different paper. I am SO disappointed. It would have been something to put in my portfolio, something that I really liked doing, the one thing since I started working here that I would have been most proud of. I know that ad design, product design, publication layout work is what I really want to do. How do I get there from here? And how did I get here, doing public relations for a nonprofit? I don't like Public relations, I'm not pushy enough.